Our Products
MachiTush X1
Slightly better than a potato. Comes with an ON button that works... sometimes.
- Price: $299
- Specs: 1GB RAM, 64MB Storage
- Warranty: 1 week (if you’re lucky)
MachiTush Pro
Preloaded with exclusive bugs and errors. Guaranteed to frustrate.
- Price: $499
- Specs: 2GB RAM, 128MB Storage
- Warranty: 2 weeks (we’re still testing it)
MachiTush Mini
So small, you’ll lose it immediately. Includes a free magnifying glass.
- Price: $99
- Specs: 512MB RAM, 32MB Storage
- Warranty: 1 day (no refunds)
Features
- Sluggish OS: Designed to slow your productivity.
- Non-Durable Hardware: Break it by looking at it.
- Exclusive Bugs: Errors so unique, they deserve a patent.
Customer Reviews
"This is not a computer; it’s a heater!" - A Satisfied Customer
"I pressed ON, and it started smoking. 5 stars!" - Tech Enthusiast
"MachiTush Pro was a great gift for my pet hamster. It was the perfect chew toy!" - Unfortunate Buyer
"If you need something to throw at your enemies, this is it." - Former Customer
"I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I guess both." - Confused User
About Us
At MachiTush™, we pride ourselves on delivering the most disappointing tech experience possible. Our team of underqualified engineers works tirelessly to ensure that our products exceed your lowest expectations. We don’t aim for innovation; we aim for confusion, frustration, and a total lack of functionality. We’ve made it our mission to provide the worst technology that money can buy, and we do it with a smile.
Our motto: "The worse, the better." Because, honestly, who needs stability, reliability, or even basic usability? Our customers appreciate the unpredictable nature of MachiTush™, because who doesn’t want a product that’s equally capable of working *and* breaking at the same time? We’re revolutionizing the way you experience disappointment, one malfunction at a time.
Support
Need help? Chat with our bot that doesn’t work or visit our FAQ: "Why does it keep crashing?" (Answer: It’s part of the charm!)
Buy Now
Invest in disappointment today! Limited stock because most are broken.
Careers
Join the team at MachiTush™ and be a part of the most exciting journey into failure that technology has ever seen. We’re looking for individuals who are passionate about creating products that will inevitably break, confuse, and frustrate. If you’re a perfectionist, we suggest you look elsewhere. But if you embrace chaos, we want you! Experience is overrated. What matters most is your ability to stay calm in the face of system crashes, endless bugs, and the occasional explosion.
We offer competitive (not really) salaries, health insurance (but only for the first month), and a casual work environment (as long as you don’t mind the constant sound of malfunctioning machines). Join us, and you’ll be part of a legacy of mediocrity, where the only thing more unreliable than our products is our customer service. Apply now and start your career in tech... or whatever this is!